Nostalgia ! Sex with ex ?

Nostalgia ! Sex with ex ?

Mohnisha*, 29, was shocked. She sat up, guilt-ridden and numb. In the middle of a make-out session with her boyfriend Dev*, she uttered her ex’s name, aloud. She had no answer when Danish asked her who she was referring to. She kept mum. He left. That was the end of her third relationship.
Her college sweetheart Rishi* was her first love and ‘the one’ for her. But Rishi changed after college got over. One fine day, he made it clear that he was not a one-woman guy and dumped her. Since then, Mohnisha has never been able to have a smooth sex life. She dated three men after Rishi, but all three relationships ended because of her ‘problem’. She felt she had the best sex with Rishi and so couldn’t stop thinking about him while making out with her current boyfriend. Mohnisha finally went to seek help from Breakuphelpline.
Mohnisha isn’t the only one. A recent survey revealed that about 40 %of women look back with longing on past relationships, and admit that the sex was much better than with their present partners. That’s a bigger number than the 27 %of men who have confessed to having had better sex with the ex.
Intensity matters
Psychologist Dr Vitthal Dua, says, “It all depends on the intensity of love one has had in a relationship. Sometimes the unhappiness of losing that relationship is so high that the mind reignites memories of that old relationship. That’s the way the mind functions.” He hints at the possibility of post-traumatic stress if it has not been resolved or closure not achieved.
Sexual chemistry 
Some people have their priorities sorted though. Richa*, 26, says she will marry a man only if he can satisfy her in bed. Richa had a torrid one-night stand a year ago with a Spanish musician at a mutual friend’s party. She hasn’t been able to forget that night ever since. “It was a fling. But I had the best sex with him. I’ve realized that I cannot be with a man who is not fun in bed. I’m adventurous but the guy I’m seeing right now doesn’t even come close to matching the Spanish guy’s dexterity. I still fantasize about him..” she confesses.
Dr Dua agrees that if the sex in the current relationship is not gratifying, it does reignite the memories of a past relationship. Especially if sex with the  ex has been great. “Sometimes sex is an expression of love between two individuals and sometimes it’s just pure lust. Getting nostalgic about the ex depends largely on the sexual chemistry of the last relationship,” he elaborates.
Enjoyable intimacy 
The fact that women are getting more open to discussing taboo topics like sex, thanks to the Fifty Shades phenomena, proves this need to voice their wishes. However, one needs to understand that every relationship has its own level of physical intimacy. Nikhita, 32, has learnt to be content. “My husband, unlike my ex boyfriend, doesn’t like to experiment too much in bed. But he tries to please me in his own sweet ways. We always cuddle after sex and go to sleep in each other’s arms. We’ve been married for eight years now and we still cuddle. What more could I ask for?”

*Names changed on request